I can't even begin to describe where God has taken me these past few weeks. But I'm sure going to try!
All year long I've been having this gentle nudge to just give it all up. Give it all to Him. I kept being pulled this way and that. You know? My heart longs for every bit of God it can handle...the world longs for my time and energy.
I kept trying to figure out how to sort of do it all but still keep God first. Then a few weeks ago God whispered to me. Just seek me. Nothing else. Devote your whole self to me, and we'll do this together.
I've been working all year (on and off) on myself. My style, my health, my weight...me me me...
I've been feeling great and enjoying the process but this worldly pursuit of health and style leaves one empty. I've gone back and forth with what my boys should eat, I've researched until I'm blue in the face, and guess what? I still didn't know!? I was on the normal roller coaster up and down and all around with God mixed in there somewhere until I was flat sick and tired of it.
I asked God to teach me how to be devoted to Him in this world. At first I prayed for wisdom on how to be devoted to Him and be a godly wife, and loving mother, and good friend etc. Then He answered me by giving me wisdom...that resulted in a prayer that just asked Him to help me be devoted to Him daily. Nothing else. No Him and anything. Just Him.
He's given me ways to take my everyday life and offer it as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to
God, knowing this is true and proper worship. That is true and proper worship.
I know I'm always a work in progress, but wow! I now understand Psalm 84:10. Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere.
This last week alone has been better than the whole year combined.
I can honestly sit here right now and say I desire Him. All of Him. Only Him. Of course I still get pulled, we all do, but I pray daily that my focus stays right on Him.
I had someone tell me a few weeks ago that I needed to make (something irrelevant) my plan A. I would be lying if I didn't say I threw a fit at that remark. Honestly, that thing wasn't even on my plans..not even a desire in my life. I threw a fit more at myself thinking what on earth have I been doing for this person to even think this would be a priority?! I feel like that's what wrong with modern Christianity.. We don't even know what we desire. We don't know what our priority is because we don't have one, we have a list of them. Priorities.
Last week I sat with my family at Thanksgiving just so incredibly thankful and content. We had a newspaper sitting beside us and I quickly flipped through the hundreds of ads filled with thousands of things we don't need, but even better..I didn't even want. Nothing. My friend texted to see if I wanted to join her early the next morning and I felt so happy to say "no, thank you! I think I'll sleep in with my husband in the morning." And that's exactly what I did. It felt amazing. Content in God is an amazing feeling.
So, here I am on this relentless pursuit. Chasing after God!